“There is always, always a trade off.”

Essentialism-book-coverI recently re-read Essentialism. (Here’s my review from 2014.) It’s an amazing, high impact book, full of helpful inspiration for untangling your confusing and stressful hyper-busyness and focusing down on what really matters.

And yet, last weekend my husband and I had (yet another) discussion about how he thinks I am trying to do too much and am burning out. I agree, but just don’t know what to do about it. “No one else is actually doing all the things you are doing,” he said, “and the trade off is your sleep, and down time, and your ability to enjoy your life.”

Preacher’s telling the truth and it hurts.

The problem is, I love the concept of essentialism, but I’m terrible at putting it into practice.

You cannot overestimate the unimportance of practically everything. – John Maxwell

I take a lot of notes when I read. Sometimes I take action on them right away. More often, I put my notes into the think file on my desk. It’s a literal, physical file of things I need to think about. I hardly ever set aside enough time to work through it. The think file is about three inches thick at the moment.

The faster and busier things get, the more we need to build thinking time into our schedule. And the noisier things get, the more we need to build quiet reflection spaces in which we can truly focus.

If there is anything I can say about life as a homeschooling and self-employed mother of five, it’s that it’s noisy. Sometimes, I love the noise of everyone laughing and singing and being crazy. Sometimes, I feel like I will lose it if I don’t get a few quiet moments to think. I wonder if this is the root of my chronic insomnia. The middle of the night is when I can reliably have a quiet house to myself. Maybe I will start using those hours for my think file.

If we feel total and utter conviction, we say yes. Anything less gets a thumbs down.

Sounds easy, doesn’t it? It’s not for me. And, I think, it’s probably not a once-and-done endeavor. It’s a constant challenge to be honest about my energy level, my callings, what I’m really able to accomplish in a given chunk of time, and where I’m out of sync with my priorities. Often, I feel “total and utter conviction” about too many things.

It’s the time of year when I start planning for the fall. I love a new school year. It’s so full of possibility! Surely this is the year when everyone will begin to love handwriting and will stop bickering over inconsequential nonsense and will not drag their feet about doing their chores. I think “Ooh! Shiny!” about all the things. With our new-found efficiency we will have time to play board games! We could do tae-kwon-do! The kids could act in plays! I could teach myself Greek in 30 minutes a day!

And yet…

What do you need to do to be able to go to sleep peacefully?

Not so many things. Essentialism. I’m working on it.

 

Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links.

A basically revolutionary tool for work/parenting/educating/adulting in general

Have you ever tried something that other people swear by, only to find out that it doesn’t work like that for you? Or tried to handle a conflict at work or home and can’t figure out why the other person is responding so oddly?

Personality. People are alike in a lot of ways, but we’re not wired exactly the same. I think the biggest lesson of adulthood, for me anyway, is that I have to be careful not to blindly accept other people’s prescriptions as universally applicable, nor blithely assume that what works for me will work for everyone/anyone else.

ppp-coverThis is why I really like Mystie Winckler’s personality posts and was intrigued by her Practical Personality Portfolio. To be honest, I hesitated over it at first, because I own and have read several books on personality typing and I wasn’t sure if it would be worth the money to spring for a digital resource on the topic.

Friends, it was so worth it. In fact, if I had to do it over again, I would gladly pay twice as much, because it’s an incredible resource. A few reasons why:

  • It’s not organized around a test. I’ve been testing ENTJ ever since college, but I always felt that the description was a little off. For a while I thought maybe I was an ENTP, but that didn’t exactly fit either (I’m way too much of a list-maker/planner to be a P). After reading the portfolio, with it’s organization around functions and struggles and motivations, I was floored to see that I actually fit the INTJ profile much better than anything else. I hadn’t ever considered that since I tend to be a verbal person and am not our culture’s stereotypical introvert. But because the portfolio broke away from the test mode, I could see the difference more clearly and consider a different angle.
  • It focuses on functions. Why does it matter what type you are? Because different types of people work, learn, struggle, stress, and cope differently. Once I started looking at the INTJ materials, I was floored by the fact that many of the ways I was trying to deal with stress were actually causing me stress. I also noticed that some of the things that really discourage me are common discouragements for INTJs–and that was the first time I allowed myself to wonder what would happen if I just…stopped doing things that discourage me? What if I work to my strengths and relax in ways that are truly relaxing to me? Game changer.
  • It illuminates relationship issues. Josh and I were both surprised at how helpful the portfolio is for understanding our children. We were able to easily type even the three-year-old (which we hadn’t been able to do previously, even with Nurture by Nature) and were shocked by how helpful it is to know things like what makes each child stressed, what a stress reaction might look like for that child, and how to mitigate it. I can’t tell you how helpful this has been, especially with school work and with several ongoing sibling conflicts. The portfolio is worth it for the parenting/educating insights alone.
  • It takes a hopeful, positive tone. If you’ve read many personality references, you know they can get a little terrifying. You’re reading about your own type, or how your type interacts with your spouse’s type, or the dire prospects of your child’s type, and you feel tempted to panic. In contrast, the portfolio takes a really helpful, upbeat tone. Yes, every type has conflicts and weaknesses, but you can work through those and work with your strengths rather than kicking against the goads all the time. I really appreciated that aspect of the work.

The Practical Personality Portfolio comes with a handbook, workbooks on learning styles and teaching, typing kids, and functions, and, most critically, a comprehensive reference on each type (mind-blowing–simple, but super effective). I’d get it just for the type reference, but the rest of the pieces were helpful, too. Also, if you get the portfolio, you get access to a members page that has additional resources, FAQ, a discussion forum, and audio and video about personality typing–including one personality chat Mystie did with me!

I’d highly recommend the Portfolio, even if you’re not someone who’s normally into MBTI personality typing. More insight never hurts! And if you don’t love it for some reason, there is a money-back guarantee.

The whole INTJ epiphany is making a difference. Just this morning, when things were nuts and I was getting wound up, what I learned from this resource popped into my head and I could see the situation for what it was–me getting stressed–as well as what I could do to work through it. In the past, I might have eventually realized the stress, but my coping mechanisms were not that effective. The situations didn’t magically disappear, but my ability to handle them gracefully certainly improved.

If you go through the portfolio, I’d love to hear what you learn!

 

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Hodge Podge: Life, Work, and Getting Your Point Across

In the mix this week: some thoughts on how we work (not just in jobs), form habits, and communicate.

Deep Work – In this fantastic book, Cal Newport describes how our culture is shifting toward shallow thinking, and the opportunities this opens for people who cultivate the ability to do deep work–that is, who know how to work with innovation, depth, and concentration. Newport discusses how to work deeply and develop focus and also exposes fallacies about what does and does not foster this ability. For example, he describes the idea that kids using iPads in school to prepare them for the high-tech economy is like giving them matchbox cars so they can learn to service a Porsche. Of particular strength are insightful sections on how to reframe the way we think about tasks and how we could approach tools and platforms with a craftsman approach (“Does this help me meet my core priorities?”) versus an any-benefit approach (“Shiny! New! I’ll take it!”). I took six dense pages of notes and was challenged in my thinking on many points, putting several of my take-aways into practice, such as the Roosevelt Dash. “A deep life is a good life.” Read this book. You will not regret it.

When Breath Becomes Air – This startling book is an end-of-life memoir written by a neurosurgeon struck in his mid-30s with terminal cancer. It sounds grim, but instead is hopeful and incredibly thought-provoking. One thing that stuck with me in particular was how Kalanithi’s pre-med background in literature and the humanities made him a better surgeon and more able to deal with the complexities and tragedies of own his life and those of his patients. Highly, highly recommended (both the book and the study of humanities!).

Reclaiming Conversation – This high impact book discusses how modern life is eroding our ability to communicate and relate to others, and offers suggestions for how to repair the walls. I’ve made a note to require my kids to read this book in high school, and would highly recommend it to anyone. Many things in our current culture are stacked against community and relationships, and it behooves us to pay attention and make stronger decisions about connection, empathy, attention, and imagination. This is not an anti-technology book, but rather a framework for how to prevent it from narrowing your world. An excellent read.

The Sweet Spot – In the habits and happiness genre, this book stands out for concrete, workable, high impact suggestions written in a personable, inspiring tone. I put a lot of things from this book into practice, including this year’s motto (Love is the horse) and defining the MDR (minimum daily requirement) for things like exercise to help me break the “well I don’t have two hours so I guess it’s nothing” mindset. Another strength of the book is the emphasis on how to build or repair relationships in small, manageable ways. I really liked this book, and would recommend it.

Smartcuts – The fact is, most of us have to work and get stuff done in life in one or more arenas. So, the author of Smartcuts posits, we should do these things in a smart way. Whether you have a traditional 9-5 or not, many of the tips in this highly readable and entertaining book will help you. Smartcuts demonstrates how the maxims many of us take for granted, like “put in your time” or “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” or “10,000 hours of practice makes you good at something” just aren’t true, and replaces those ideas with research-based alternatives.

Average is Over – There are a couple of fascinating points made in Average is Over, although I think they would have been made stronger in an article rather than a book. To sum up, the author argues that in recent decades a lot of people have been “overemployed relative to their skills” (that is, the cost of providing insurance and benefits is more than the value they provide) and that in the near future loads of people are going to fall out of the middle class. Some of the conclusions are fairly obvious but others are interestingly unique, such as the assertion that a key determinant in future success will be self-control. It’s not a bad book, but now you know the gist and you could probably skip it unless you’re just really interested in this sort of forecasting.

What have you been reading this week?

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Memorable Mottos and Words of the Year

img_6455As I read, I often latch on to a phrase that sticks with me and comes to stand for a trait, habit, or aspiration that I want to remember. I keep these in little notes on my desk and taped to my mirror and on the wall in my office. Last year, I tied my goals to them.

Some people call these mottos (Mystie has good ones for her kids, and Heather has beautifully calligraphed selections for her family), others call them rules to live by (such as Gretchen Rubin’s Personal Commandments). I suppose mine are a little of both. And, yeah, mine are a little weirder than what the links include, but at least they are memorable.

This year, I again tied my goals to my mottos (different goals, but in the same categories of aspiration) and I also selected one for my phrase of the year. Thanks to the idea from Mystie and Heather (links above) I am also applying the mottos to my kids, and plan to develop kid-type applications for all of the mottos over the course of the year.

Love is the horse.

You may recognize this year’s motto from the weekly newsletter–it’s taken from a quote by George Vaillant: “But who could have foreseen…that he would die a happy, giving, and beloved man? Only those who understand that happiness is only the cart; love is the horse.”

My natural bent is to prioritize efficiency and productivity. This, I’ve slowly and painfully come to realize, makes relationships…a challenge. But since a fair part of my life’s work is parenting and educating five children, I need to find ways to work to my strengths AND grow in my weaknesses.

When I read the Vaillant quote this fall in The Sweet Spot, I started seeing all of the ways that I push on problems to solve them with speed and efficiency rather than pausing to apply love and grace.  And often my way winds up exacerbating the issue or making it take even longer to solve. What if, I asked myself, love is the horse that could pull all of these things forward better than I can push them?

I need to learn this now. My kids do, too. Whatever seems important in the moment–getting something done, getting out the door, solving a dispute, cleaning up a mess–an attitude of love will probably get better results than a hasty, sharp hustle. And by “probably” I think I mean “definitely.” When I’m 80, my relationships will matter. Whether or not we got to the Post Office before it closed will not.

In case you wondered, here are my other mottos. Bonus points if you can remember the book each one came from!

  • Love is the horse.
  • Be the Band-Aid.
  • Ride Icelandic ponies.
  • Throw candy.
  • Don’t hug the cactus.
  • Fence the table (for the kids, who are Wingfeather fans, this one became, “Fence the Spookies.” Ask Sarah for her rendition. It’s priceless.)
  • Light a candle.
  • Bring your basket.
  • Sharpen the sword.

Do you do mottos or words of the year? What did you choose for 2017?

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Stuck: thoughts on risk and faithfulness

Stuck: How to Balance Risk & ResponsibilityIn The Art of Non-Conformity, Chris Guillebeau advises those who are not chasing their dreams to ask themselves “what’s the worst thing that could happen if something goes wrong.” The tacit implication is that you should not be afraid to chuck your comfortable life to do something risky/different/awesome.

And depending on your stage of life, it could be terrible advice.

Sure, in some situations, the risk is not great. If you’re 24 and single and your business idea fails, you sell your car and go live with your parents for a few months and there you are–ready to start another venture having learned a lot, but having lost very little.

But if you’re 34 with three kids and a mortgage and your business idea fails, you’ll run through your savings pretty fast. If your idea fails, “the worst thing that could happen” is going to involve homelessness, being unable to feed your children and pay their medical bills, crippling debt that will follow you for years, and debilitating stress.

Worth it? Maybe not.

So, if you have dependents and responsibilities, are you stuck? Do you have to give up all of your dreams and plod wearily along for the duration? Should you give up on the follow-your-dream genre entirely?

Not necessarily. I think the key is to balance risk and faithfulness and keep a positive mindset. The Art of Non-Conformity also says to “Begin with a clear understanding of what you want to get out of life.” When you have a family, what you want to get out of life begins with them. Sure, you may hanker for adventure, but ultimately you’re choosing to prioritize your family’s flourishing. In some seasons, your family may flourish as you pursue your dreams. Sometimes, the bold choice is to do the faithful thing. To take the boring job that puts food on the table. To put others’ needs before your own desires.

But remember, this is something you are actively choosing, not something that is just happening to you. The circumstances may look the same, but the radically different attitudes make the difference.

The stuck attitude starts out feeling resigned, then spirals into negativity and winds up in bitterness. The attitude of personal agency is positive, able to see chances for small changes, and leaves room for joy.

Maybe you can’t chuck it all and move to Thailand to start a record label right now. But The Art of Non-Conformity and Guillebeau’s more recent Born For This could still help you:

  • Test out big steps with small experiments. If you don’t have capital to try your business idea, maybe you could do it as a hobby, with the option to scale up later.
  • Start living a fuller life. Begin by saying no to one thing you only do out of obligation and saying yes to one thing that feeds your soul. Just one thing could make a big difference, or start a snowball effect.
  • Avoid the glory days trap. Look for ways that your current situation can be formative and learning intensive. Can’t swing grad school right now? Make your own syllabus and read on your own time.
  • Lose the all-or-nothing approach. Think about what you love to do and what you’re really good at, and move toward those things in small increments. Your joy, money, and flow don’t all have to come from the same source.
  • Beware of false choices. You don’t have to choose between being responsible and being fulfilled. Or between exercising or playing with your kids. Or whatever. Test your assumptions. Many either/or problems can be reframed to both/and lifestyles.

Maybe you’re in a position where the awesome travel hacks and inspiration for big leaps in Guillebeau’s books are doable for you. If so, I’d definitely recommend The Art of Non-Conformity and Born For This. But if you are feeling tied down and stuck and foiled at every turn, I might recommend them even more. Rather than seeing books like this as not practical for my stage of life, I think of them as sources of ideas I can customize to my situation. It all depends on your mindset.

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A perfect book for graduates, 30-somethings, and probably retirees, too

perfectgraduationgiftMaybe this is how selecting graduation presents goes at your house too.

Me: We need to get a graduation gift for so-and-so.

Josh: OK.

Me: I was thinking…something like…a journal?

Josh: Oh geez, a journal? That’s like the boring tie of graduation gifts. Get something they need.

But what do college students/grad students/young professionals really need? Cheapo Target decor? Caffeinated water? Their heads screwed on straight?

Since there’s really no way to predict where a person’s tastes run when it comes to spangled wall hangings and inflatable couches, and we trust that the aforementioned young person can source their own stimulants, maybe a tool for clear thinking would be in order.

And that is why I think from now on we will gift graduates with a copy of Kevin DeYoung’s excellent book, Just Do Something. I love the alternate title too, “Or: How To Make a Decision Without Dreams, Visions, Fleeces, Impressions, Open Doors, Random Bible Verses, Casting Lots, Liver Shivers, Writing In the Sky, Etc.”

As you might guess from the alternate title, Just Do Something is funny and wry. But it’s also incredibly solid, Biblical advice for a culture where a surfeit of possibilities and a deficit of responsibility inclines us to falsely spiritualize indecision.

Yep, I said “us.”

Because, when I first began reading I immediately thought the book would be perfect for graduates, but after a couple of chapters I realized that I was under conviction as a 37-year-old too. And really, the mirror DeYoung holds up in Just Do Something reflects our entire milieu, not just millennials, my nameless generation, Gen X, Baby Boomers, or whatever we’re calling ourselves.

We want to know God’s will, DeYoung says, for all the wrong reasons. We want to know what’s coming next so that we won’t be out of control or uncomfortable. We are obsessed with what house to buy, what job to take, who to marry, and so forth because we think those things are going to make or break us, but the Bible says God is after our sanctification. Instead of being frozen in indecision, DeYoung asks if we’re living 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18:

“Are you joyful always? Are you praying continually? Are you giving thanks in all circumstances? You ought to be. For this is God’s will for us in Christ Jesus.”

Basically, DeYoung boils seeking God’s will and looking for your purpose (which he discusses in very helpful detail) down to knowing God, praying for wisdom, and then, as long as our options aren’t unbiblical, just taking the leap so that we don’t waste our lives.

“If we had done something—almost anything, really—faithfully and humbly and for God’s glory for all that time, we could have made quite an impact.”

Because I’m a product of my culture and milieu just like everyone else, I really needed to read this book. I wish I had read it when I was 18/22/28/32 too. So I’ll be buying Just Do Something for graduation presents, but I’d highly recommend it for just about anyone on your list, and for yourself.

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A couple of things about sleep

a-spirited-mind
A friend of mine broke her arm and had to have physical therapy to help her regain full use of her hand. The therapist told her that the motion we use to pull apart a sealed bag (like the ones inside of cereal boxes) is terrible for our hands and no one–regardless of injury–should ever pull one of those bags apart. I don’t have any problem with my hands now, but after talking to my friend I am absolutely using scissors to open those sealed bags from here on out!

Sleep is like that. I am a terrible sleeper. Sometimes I have stretches of decent sleep, but more often I have problems of various sorts, whether or not I currently have a waking baby. Many people, however, seem to have little trouble sleeping. Obviously people like me need to read up on sleep research, but what about people like my husband who–in spite of really bad sleep habits–inexplicably sleep soundly whenever they want to? After reading a couple of books on sleep lately, I think it’s probably wise to understand sleep better even if you’re not having trouble with it.

sleep revolutionIf you’re totally new to healthy sleep, of if you’re not convinced that sleep is important, you might want to start off with Sleep Revolution. The book is kind of like a compendium report of the latest and greatest sleep research, mixed in with all of the reasons you can’t get by on too little sleep (really, even if you think you’re pulling it off, you’re not). While it’s informative, the book lacks much practical punch. The suggestions for getting better sleep are pretty thin, or the sort of thing you could find online in those “10 Ways to Sleep Better” slideshows. Still, if you need convincing or an overview, Sleep Revolution could be your book.

Sleep-Smarter-book

Lots of resources will tell you that sleep is important, so do things like get to bed on time and don’t drink caffeine after 4pm. Those are great tips as far as they go, but some of us need more than that to get good sleep. If you’re going to get REALLY SERIOUS about sleep, I’d recommend Sleep Smarter. This book is chock full of action items to improve your sleep. Some of them are easy to implement, some of them are a little out there, and all are fully discussed in enough detail to really put them into practice. There is a good amount of research included, but it’s readable, and it moves quickly into things you can actually do to improve your sleep.

I’m making several changes to my routines to take action on things I learned in Sleep Smarter, and I’m working on them for me and for my kids.

Of possible interest, Gretchen Rubin linked to this article on insomnia that suggests not eating if you wake up at night. Sleep Smarter suggests a before bed snack high in fat and low in carbs so you won’t wake up hungry. I do find that if I eat something like a hard boiled egg right before bed, I sleep better.

What works for you when it comes to getting good sleep?
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Ordering the rhythms of our tables, calendars, and hearts

a-spirited-mind-1We live in a time in which we are fortunate to have lots of options. You can eat strawberries in November and wear sweaters in July. From where we live to how we eat, even to how we observe or ignore the weather, we pretty much get to chart our own course.

Because we have this freedom, it’s even more important that we pay attention to the underlying framework that drives our choices. I’ve recently been reading and thinking about this in light of seasons and rhythms.

I’m not against the convenience of modern life. I’m writing this post in my air conditioned office while it’s 94 degrees outside. I’ll be putting a can of tomatoes in tonight’s dinner, and I buy everything from books to pajamas to eyeliner on Amazon. But I do see a difference between using modern conveniences as tools and being blindly co-opted by our consumer culture.

As I read I began articulating some impressions of unease I’ve had about how (or if) my life reflects my beliefs on a number of fronts. I’ve made some steps to change our rhythms with things like moving to a term schedule for school (generally six weeks on, one week off), and we’ve always done a Jesse Tree for Advent. Still, in reading thinkers like James K. A. Smith and others, I’ve found myself examining our life looking for the liturgy embedded therein–we all live a liturgy, Smith says, it’s just a matter of what we base it on.

circle of seasonsIn a roundabout fashion this brought me to Kimberlee Conway Ireton’s excellent book The Circle of Seasons. Ireton didn’t grow up in a high church tradition, so her study of the church year as an adult gives her a valuable outsider perspective. Ireton avoids the temptation to create or uphold empty ritual, and digs into the value and symbolism of various church traditions.

For example, in looking at Advent as a season of waiting and preparation for Christ’s birth followed by a twelve day feast of Christmas, Ireton ties in ways Christians can move beyond the commercial Christmas to enjoy a season of peace and then extend joy and love when everyone else is tapped out and suffering a post-holiday slump. What if we had a Christmas party the week after Christmas? What if we invited people over for a Christmas dinner on December 28? How would that impact our family’s ability to enjoy Christmas and be a blessing to others?

Likewise, Lent offers a chance to think about the true purpose of fasting–not self-denial or being absorbed in yourself, but creating space for God to work in and through us.

I appreciated how Ireton thoughtfully examined ways that the church calendar can break us out of our tendency to passively trudge through life, and make us more mindful of our days.

irrational seasonI’ve already mentioned The Irrational Season, but it bears repeating here because in the book Madeleine L’Engle writes her reflections on the year in a way that is informed by and immersed in the church year.

L’Engle did a masterful job of showing how being aware of the church calendar can direct our thoughts and contemplation. Thinking about Jesus’ coming birth during Advent leads to being watchful for His return. Considering the events of our lives in light of Epiphany, Easter, or the Trinity helps us to understand them in a truer light, and orient our own experiences in light of a bigger story.

Reading The Irrational Season won’t be so much a practical primer on how to celebrate the church year as an inspiration for how being aware of seasons and traditions can be a rich avenue for study and contemplation. I’m thinking about this a lot as I structure our school terms for next year.

feastOne of the e-books in a bundle I bought recently turned out to be an interesting resource on the Christian year. Feast! is full of practical tips and recipes for aligning your family culture with church culture.

The first two sections–on Advent and Christmas–were particularly helpful. I liked the ideas for ways to build up to Christmas and make that our focus, but without seeming Scroogey or anti-Christmas. A lot of the tips were ideas that would help to keep December less frantic by spreading out all the things we love about the season into a longer and more relaxed celebration. I’ve always felt that Christmas was this weird abrupt stop after a couple of weeks trying to cram too much in. I really like the idea of a more restful Advent and then a great fun long Christmas with plenty of time to listen to music, make gingerbread houses, and read Christmas books rather than putting everything away. The authors suggest adding to your Jesse Tree until Epiphany, which I remember my mom trying to do for us some years. The Stewarts suggest adding the names of God or attributes of Jesus for those extra twelve ornaments. I have this on my list to try.

I will say that after the Easter ideas the book wasn’t as applicable for me. The authors are Catholic and so they have special saints days they celebrate at different times, which isn’t something we do. But there was enough good food for thought in the other sections to make Feast a worthwhile read for me.

life giving home

Sally and Sarah Clarkson’s book The Life-giving Home is arranged around the year too, although I didn’t take as many notes on practical things to do in January versus May or anything like that.  Those ideas are there, but I found the book to be more helpful to me in giving me a stronger vision for the way that my home and life can better express the truth and beauty I believe in, versus specific decorating or menu ideas.

I love the point the Clarkson’s make about how our homes and family cultures are ways to engage with the broader culture and a means to tell the story of what is most important to us. This is true no matter what we believe, and certainly worth serious thought. Are our lives–from our time to our traditions to our decorating aesthetic–telling the story we want them to? Are they restorative and life-giving for our families and friends and neighbors?

jameskasmith-youarewhatyoulove

If you want to dig more deeply into how our lives tell a story of what we love and reveal our vision of the good life, you should certainly check out James K. A. Smith’s latest work, You Are What You Love: The Spiritual Power of Habit. This book is powerfully insightful and profoundly challenging.

Smith talks about the way that our worship must incorporate not just our minds, but also our hearts. If we fail to capture and reorder our hearts, our head knowledge will not be enough. “You are what you love,” Smith writes, “because you live toward what you want.”  When we have misdirected loves it’s not because we have bad ideas, but because “our desires have been captivated by rival visions of flourishing. And that happens through practices not propaganda.”

So if we are formed by liturgies whether we admit it or not, we ought to devote careful consideration to what those liturgies are. As a parent and teacher, this gives me a lot to think about. Of course we want to give our children truth and sound ideas, but are we going beyond that to capture their hearts with truth and beauty? Does our worship and our family culture give them a vision for what it means to flourish, or are we giving them second-rate music and sappy stories and then wondering why their palates incline them to cartoons and the mall?

This has so many implications for how we structure our time, our family culture, our schools, our work…while the book may seem the odd one out in this post, it really forms the basis for why and how we follow (or don’t) seasons, rhythms, and traditions–Christian or otherwise.

There is so much in You Are What You Love that I can’t begin to touch on all of it, but I highly recommend it if you’re interested in habits, virtue, the good life, spiritual life…well, really I’d recommend it for anyone.

I haven’t finished thinking all of this through yet, so can’t give you my conclusions, but I’d be interested to know if you’ve considered these things and, if so, how you shape your family’s calendar or traditions as a result?

 
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The Bookmarked Life #15

2The Bookmarked Life is my take on catch-all posts–a record to help me remember this season of life.

Right now I’m:

…Considering

I’m thinking about seasons and rhythms and the original purpose of the liturgical calendar. How might we do Advent and Easter and our school terms differently to renew focus and reduce the way holidays tend to breed frenzy? I like the idea of longer seasons and a contemplative approach to the year. We have to be careful not to get caught up in meaningless rituals, but in our milieu I think maybe there is more danger in meaningless seasons if you hew to the culture than if you follow some version of a church calendar. This is tied up in more thinking and reading about liturgy and habits and may wind up shifting how I schedule the next school year.

…Furnishing My Mind

IMG_5642Margaret was baptized in early May and we celebrated by having a picture that actually included all of us. It turns out that it’s really, really difficult to squeeze a family of seven onto a loveseat.

Related to the loveseat: people often ask why on earth I have white couches when I have so many kids. The truth is, these couches were super cheap at Ikea and the slipcovers are fully removable and washable. They hold up really well–I did not stain treat them and I only wash them 2-3 times a year, sometimes tossing the seat cushions in more frequently. We use the couches all day long and they do sometimes get a little grubby, but nothing a soak in Oxiclean can’t fix. IMG_5558Overall, I feel like they make me happy and are much easier to maintain than a couch you can’t wash.

My parents came to visit for the week of Eliza’s third birthday and Margaret’s baptism, and we had a nice visit as well as a mini-break from school.

IMG_5791Jack turned nine at the end of May and had a “Lego Inventor” party. It was a madhouse but he seemed to enjoy it. He made the cake topper himself, and it was nice to just go with it and not try to do some fantastical thing with fondant. Chocolate cake with lots of chocolate frosting (the Hershey’s recipe is easy and way, way better than any store-bought version) is good regardless.

Jack is very creative, loves to read, and is super intense about everything he does. Parenting him can be a wild ride, but he’s interesting and fun and very affectionate.

 

…Living the Good Life

IMG_5671We joined the Children’s Museum and Zoo this spring and have enjoyed frequent trips to both as I attempt to justify the cost with lower cost-per-visit averages.  🙂 So far we’ve done the museum nine times and the zoo five times. As you can see in the picture, the zoo has a cool exhibit going right now of giant animal sculptures made of Legos.

For some reason it often feels easier to take the five kids out than to stay home. It sort of diffuses the noise and energy! We’ve also been going to more parks and finding interesting new parts of the city to explore (that is a nice way of saying, “Mama often gets lost but then enjoys the scenery.”)

…Teaching

We finished our required 180 days of instruction last week, but don’t tell the kids since we will still be doing school through the rest of June (after a break this week for VBS). It works better for us to take July off and then have more flexibilty throughout the year for term breaks rather than having one long summer break. To the surprise of no one, I have changed some things up this semester, so I’ll do an end-of-year wrap-up later in June.

…Boosting Creativity

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I think it’s so great to be creative in different ways.  Somehow being creative in a totally different medium can help with creativity in my usual tracks.  A couple of times lately a friend of mine has hosted a painting party–a local artist comes to her house and we all learn some techniques and paint a small picture. This one is a sprig of balsam fir.  I really like the way the colors in the background turned out.

When I was reading The Irrational Season, I was struck by Madeleine L’Engle’s schedule–she always made time for a walk outdoors, an hour of study and reading, and an hour of practicing piano in addition to writing and caring for her family and whatever else. She felt that the outdoor exercise, study, and piano were part of her creative process, and she was unabashed at saying that was what she needed for her creative life. I was inspired to pick up some of my old piano music and have been tackling Mozart’s Fantasy in D Minor.

…Building Fitness

IMG_5771 We are boldly embarking on hikes! I don’t know what it is about having five children that has made me delve into all of the things there are to do around town. Obviously it’s TONS easier to tote five kids to attractions, right? But in any case we have now met up with a friend and her two kids to do two hikes at state parks nearby. Surprisingly, Eliza (age 3) has been able to walk pretty far. And Margaret does well in the baby carrier. The big kids got these nifty water bottle holders (the friends we hike with introduced us–they are far more outdoorsy than we are!) and are allowed to eat granola bars whilst hiking, so they are all in.

I moved my regular workouts to the evening after the kids go to bed, and am now mostly doing my own circuit of heavy (for me anyway!) weights. I got this idea from Crystal, which led me to this free e-book (salesy, but informative), and so far it’s a nice break from routine.

…Seeking Balance

Work (the paid sort anyway) has been lighter this past couple of weeks, and that has been good in its way. It’s funny how the older kids, while not requiring the same hands-on vigilance as the littles, seem to be in phases that require more time and emotional energy right now, so it has been good to slow down and be able to focus on those needs lately. I’ve been doing more personal writing too, which is restorative and fun. I still have no idea how to work the schedule to include paid work, personal writing, study time, school, and intentional parenting all together. But if I look at things from a weekly or monthly perspective, it does all fit in.

…Listening To

The kids and I are listening to The Chronicles of Narnia books on audio (unabridged, not dramatized) in the car–what a great series to listen to one after the other! This is perfect for summer car trips or just for going around town. Highly recommended!

…Keeping In Mind

“May you treasure wisely this jeweled, gilded time, and cherish each day as an extra grace.” –Andrew Greeley

What are you bookmarking this week?

 

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On Purpose and Flourishing – a course and a few books

I like to think about things like goals and living on purpose, and I try (more or less desperately) to live a life of flourishing regardless of circumstances. The events of the past year have made me more deliberate in this regard, but also much less hubristic about the whole thing. Of course, since this is me, I keep learning!

UpstreamFieldGuide-464x600Being someone who generally learns better from books than from audio, I wasn’t sure what to expect from Tsh Oxenrider’s (author of Notes From a Blue Bike) course Upstream Field Guide. I had looked at the course several times because I liked the premise of uncovering and living into your life’s purpose even if you’re swimming upstream of the regular culture, but I was always uncertain because of price. It’s a lot of content–eight segments with Tsh, and a couple of additional interview pieces per session, plus a workbook–but I wasn’t sure how much I wanted to pay for it and kept wishing Tsh would just write a book on the topic.

So when it came up in a bundle at 1/2 to 1/3 the regular price, I decided to pull the trigger and YES, it was absolutely worth the price of the bundle (the rest of the bundle is e-books you can take or leave, but will probably mostly leave–I looked at it as being totally the price of Upstream Field Guide).

The course takes you through a lot of exercises designed to get at your purpose. I found many of them similar to Make It Happen, except MIH (and PowerSheets) are more geared toward purpose and goals on a year by year schedule, whereas Upstream Field Guide is geared toward life purpose apart from individual roles (mom, teacher, writer, etc) and goals.

You might be skeptical, especially if you’re already a fairly introspective person. I was really, really surprised at how the exercises and insights from the course revealed a handful of things that came up again and again and translated to a purpose statement. I’ve read a lot about purpose statements but have never before done one because it always seemed forced or too based on current life stage–or maybe I was just never ready for it or pushed to the edge enough for it.  Upstream Field Guide was different, and very helpful for me. Articulating a purpose has helped me to think through prioritizing in a different and more consistent way.

Spelling out your purpose then helps you to set better goals, and Tsh walks through goal setting in the course too–again with a similar framework to Lara Casey’s though not in the same detail, I still recommend Casey’s goal setting process as the best I’ve found–and how to evaluate where you are in life compared to where you want to be.

Depending on when you read this, you might be able to get the Upstream Field Guide course for the bundle price–the bundle is available June 1 and 2, 2016. If you’ve looked at the course but have been on the fence, this is a good time to snag it.

own your lifeIf you’ve been reading here for a while you might remember that I have already reviewed Sally Clarkson’s Own Your Life. Ahem. Remember what I said at the beginning of the post about hubris? That. When I last read Own Your Life, I was about to enter a very difficult and intense year, with challenges on just about every life front. I had no idea of course, and so at that point I thought ok, sure, but Sally Clarkson is not Type A enough for me!  Let’s take over the world with our strong and mighty selves and be great at all the things!  Well. This time around, having been more than a little humbled, I was deeply impacted by the book.

As it turns out, it wasn’t so much my ENTJ personality that didn’t connect before, but rather my I’ve-got-this attitude. Own Your Life is full of good messages for anyone–to take responsibility for your life and make choices toward your ideals–but it really resonates when you’re looking for encouragement to do the hard work of really leaning into and owning the story you’re in.  Reading this book at the same time I was going through Upstream Field Guide was helpful in a big picture, heart and soul sort of way. This time around I recommend Own Your Life heartily!

living forwardHaving read Michael Hyatt’s blog and listened to his podcast intermittently, I was interested to read his latest book, Living Forward, which is about putting together a life plan. To be honest, I was hoping for more. If you’ve never read anything on goal setting or life planning, you might find the book helpful, but since I read a lot in the genre, I was sort of underwhelmed.  Most of the book seemed derived from other sources, like Getting Things Done (link is my review of GTD), or very similar to other goal setting tips you can get from Hyatt’s blog or other similar sources.  If anything, I’d recommend this as a library book.

If you’ve ever put together a personal purpose statement, how did it work? Did it help you? Did it stick?

 

Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links.