When I was in my late 20s to early 30s, we went through some fairly severe financial crises. I learned a lot during that time about who I am, what kind of parent I am and want to be, what my priorities are, and what I’m capable of professionally.
In The Kickass Single Mom, Emma Johnson writes about how, when her husband left her and their small children when she was in her early 30s, she learned a lot about who she was, what kind of parent she was and wanted to be, what her priorities were, and what she was capable of professionally.
Two observations: first, there may be something about the way life goes in your 30s that sneaks up on people and causes them to really examine how they want to live their lives. Life can take all sorts of turns you don’t expect and cause profound changes in how you do things–even if you stay married. And second, you never know where you might find more affinity with a demographic group than you’d think at first glance.
I’m not a single mom, nor am I planning to become one, but reading a book completely geared toward that demographic gave me some very useful tips and insight. I prepped my husband in advance before he did the library run. He thought it was kind of funny that I was reading The Kickass Single Mom, and opined that the cartoon avatar of the mom on the cover looked like me. On a more serious note, we wound up talking about a lot of the information in the book, through my issues with financial insecurity, and what we could do about that. It was great fodder for discussion.
I picked up the book based on reviews that highlighted the author’s upbeat tone and sound financial advice to a group of women who are widely thought of as extremely busy, pulled in many directions, and under a lot of stress. I fall into some of those categories myself, and really appreciated the insights about the true value of outsourcing, how to handle financial fear, and how to balance work with high-impact parenting.
I’m especially interested in the outsourcing argument. The author did a terrific job of explaining when and how outsourcing tasks makes sense, and how sometimes we get into a mindset that we must do X, Y, or Z when actually those tasks run counter to our goals and priorities and cost us more in time and money than we would expect.
I also found plenty to disagree with. I had to remind myself as I skimmed several parts that while I can sympathize with some of the challenges facing a single mom, I am not actually the target audience, and women in different circumstances may need to hear different types of advice and encouragement (and still, I disagreed with a lot of it). I was shocked and saddened by the fact that even with an upbeat tone, so many, many aspects of divorce came through the narrative as terribly destructive and devastating–both emotionally and financially.
Overall, a lot of the advice in The Kickass Single Mom is relevant for women in their 30s-40s regardless of marital status. This is the time of life to lean in to who you are in all of your life roles: the time to pour into your children if you have them, the time to get your feet under you in all sorts of ways. And because we never know what circumstances are around the bend, it would be wise for all women to understand their family’s financial picture and know what to do if disaster strikes.
If your particular brand of adulthood has left you with fear or uncertainty about finances or a precarious work-life balance, The Kickass Single Mom might be helpful to skim–as long as you’re the sort of person who can gloss over parts that don’t fit your bill.
Just curious, do you think the 30s are a peculiarly change-focused decade? Or are you on the same general trajectory you were at 22?
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