Retail Files

I tell you what, if you ever find yourself low on ideas for what to blog about I suggest taking a part-time job working retail around the holidays.  You can’t make this stuff up.


An elderly lady examined a silver necklace that features beads in the shape of bows embellished with tiny rhinestones.  “My goodness!” the old lady observed loudly to her companion, “This necklace is covered in SPARKLY BRAS, can you believe it?!?!?!?”  The somewhat younger and presumably more visually acute companion pointed out that the beads were actually bows, not lingerie.  “Oh, I suppose you’re right.”  The old lady seemed sort of disappointed.


A college-aged guy in a bright orange North Face jacket came in the store like a man on a mission.  He strode to the shoe display and picked up a 4 inch stiletto heel.  “Do you have this shoe in a size 8?” he asked, “I don’t need to try it on or anything, if you have the size 8 I’ll just buy it.”  Good thing he clarified his intentions, because usually when a big guy comes in the store asking for small ladies shoes, I assume he’s planning on wearing them himself, don’t you?


“Santa Baby” update: I now hear at least one of the approximately 14 different versions of this horrific song every time I’m in the mall.  My hope is to slowly build up an immunity, as one might do with a poison, so that I can outwit my enemies in the future.  I don’t have any enemies at the moment, but one never knows when enemies will crop up and it might come in handy to challenge them to a duel wherein we all have to listen to loops of “Santa Baby” until the first person cries uncle.  If pitted against my enemies in such a contest, I shall surely emerge victorious thanks to my retail training.


In other news, I have lost 5 pounds since I began working retail.  Although I only work 10-15 hours a week, I am on my feet walking back and forth through the store that entire time.  Even if I’m only moving at 2 miles per hour, that still results in quite a bit of added exercise.  Hidden bonuses abound.

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