As You Wish

I read something today about how men tend to show love by what they do, but women would rather have those feelings put into words. The example given was from what is arguably the world’s most quotable movie, The Princess Bride, when Buttercup keeps asking Wesley to do useless chores (“Farmboy, fetch me that pitcher!”) and he replies “As you wish” but really means “I love you.”

I found this interesting because in my marriage we have the opposite construct.  Josh is really great at words of affirmation (according to what I was reading, lots of women would kill to have their husbands say I love you or give them compliments) but my love language is more action than talk, like doing projects or baking elaborate things and so forth.  I was struck by how often I communicate love on my terms when maybe I should be more focused on giving and receiving love on my husband’s terms more often.

I have read The 5 Love Languages but it was a long time ago and I guess I have slipped back into old habits.  Since one of my goals for this decade is to appreciate my husband daily, I am going to try to be more intentional about appreciating his ways of showing love, and trying to show love to him in his love language more than in mine.

Do you think most couples communicate love the same way or differently?  How do you overcome the challenge of having different love languages?

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7 thoughts on “As You Wish

  1. First, TPB is my most favoritist movie ever! I love that you referred to it! 🙂

    Second, I do think men and women communicate differently via their love languages in general. I think men and women communicate differently – period. 🙂

    I think it’s important to know how receive love vs. how you give love. AND I think how you give/receive love from your mate is diff than how you do w/friends.. what do you think? 🙂

    Great post!

    1. TPB is so applicable in so many situations. 🙂

      I think you’re probably right about the difference in how we communicate love to spouses versus friends, but I do think the love language thing is still applicable to friendships. For example, I think my top love language is acts of service, so I’m more likely to make something or bake something for someone than to give them a hug or buy them something. But if my friend’s love language is gifts, then maybe my homemade whatnot is not that exciting to them and they would rather have had a gift card to Target.

      It’s just something I’m thinking about because really WHO am I trying to show love to: that person, or myself? If I’m trying to show love to someone else, I should use THEIR love language, not my own. Within reason, of course.

      1. I totally agree. My hubby and I have spent a good amount of time trying to figure out each others LL so we can “fill up each other’s love tank” ;), it wasn’t until just a few days ago actually (so weird you are posting about this) that I discovered that the reason I could never figure out how I receive love is because I was looking for one that I felt was lacking (assuming that DH wasn’t fullfilling my need). But I started thinking about it and I receive love from him by “acts of service”. (which, if I had to guess ends up being most moms LL – even if it didn’t start out that way!! HA!) I could never pinpoint it before, like I said, b/c he does this already! LOL! Does that make sense??? 🙂 I could never figure out which one was mine, b/c I just assumed that he wasn’t meeting my need…. *duh*.

        Very interesting stuff.

  2. Sean and I were just discussing Love Languages the other day. After almost 15 years, I think we’ve finally figured each other out in this regard. He’s affection/verbal affirmation. I’m acts of service/quality time. We have learned to imitate each other and give back what the other person gives easily. For example, Sean is extremely complimentary of me often speaking out loud the things he likes about me. This comes naturally to him because it is how he understands love. If I just dish it right back to him then it’s not only clear that I understood him, but he feels loved, too. It’s a win, win.

  3. Thats very interesting what you are talking about. I know i am like my mum in so many ways. For example having someone make my breakfast on mothers day, would mean more to me than getting a gift.

    Definietly have expectations of my husband to mind read. He likes to be told I love you, so we are opposites.

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