Whatever Works: Home Remedy for Hypochondria

Hannah often fancies herself greatly injured and in need of medicine or a Hello Kitty bandaid. I usually attempt to ascertain if a malady is in fact present, and if there is no evidence of injury or illness I resort to making things up.

My first line of attack is “special juice.” Since we don’t give the kids juice very often, “special juice” can be pretty much anything added to water. Most often I squirt some lemon juice into a sippy cup and Hannah is cured.

When special juice doesn’t do the trick, my next suggestion is tea. I splash some herbal tea into a small teacup and the novelty of a party diverts Hannah’s attention.

Sometimes a topical remedy is called for. Since I got a bunch of Hello Kitty bandaids free at Target a while ago, I’m not afraid to soberly apply one to a “hurt” patch of skin.

Tonight though, none of these remedies seemed to suffice. Hannah claimed she had a “terrible bump” on her forehead which was “very going to be a hurting one.” I found no bump, but offered a bandaid. “No Mama,” Hannah wailed, “it needs medicine on it!” Faced with the prospect of an all-night caterwauling session, my creative juices kicked into high gear. I ran to the kids’ bathroom and put some toothpaste on my finger. Returning to Hannah’s bedroom, I soberly announced that I was going to “put something on your bump that will fix it up by morning.” After carefully applying toothpaste to my child’s head, I patted her shoulder and assured her she would be fine by the morning.

“Oh yes Mama” Hannah replied, “I think that’s going to make me all better.”

So there you have it folks – if all else fails, put toothpaste on your head. It’s good for what ails ya!

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