Hey Lady, Wanna Buy a Vacuum?

Sometimes Date Night gets preempted by unforseen events, such as last Friday when I agreed to get a free carpet cleaning in any one room of my choice. I have been DESPERATELY wanting my dining room carpet cleaned (two toddlers eating over a beige carpet plus a dog snarfling up what they toss overboard does not make for a stain free zone, in case you’re pondering a similar arrangement) and so I agreed to let the guy clean the dining room at 5pm, figuring it would take 45 minutes tops. I asked Josh to get home early so he could take the kids upstairs if need be and so that I would not be alone with some strange carpet cleaner.

I moved the dining room table and chairs out, which allowed me to clean the chandelier. It needed it.

I got all of our Date Night food assembled – we were going to have hummus and pita bread, deviled eggs (Josh loves deviled eggs), a fruit plate, sparkling lemonade in champagne flutes, and cookies for dessert.

At 5:00 Josh got home. The kids began to get hungry at 5:30, so I fed them dinner. Jack was exhausted around 6:20, so I put him to bed (thanks to the time change, I think he feels like it’s midnight after dinner!). Finally at 6:30 the doorbell rang. Josh answered and was about to turn the group away because he was miffed that they were an hour and a half late.

“NO!” I shouted, “I want my carpet cleaned!!!! I already moved the table!!!!” Yet another time I should have trusted Josh’s gut instinct.

We quickly realized that the carpet cleaning was going to come after a long, long, long Kirby vacuum demonstration. Since Josh and I are good sports, we decided to just have fun with it. We can make each other laugh over anything, and managed to have a good time hanging out with the Kirby vacuum man.

The salesman proceeded to prove to us that the Kirby outperforms our Dyson by 90%. Also the Kirby can suck fibers and dirt out of your couch like nobody’s business. And it can take an alarming amount of grody stuff out of your pillow. And it can clean your air vents. Y’all, it can even GROOM YOUR DOG. I am so not kidding. Apparently it can also fix plumbing, but it can’t get wet, which leads me to question what type of plumbing is not wet?

Above, the amount of dirt the Kirby got out of our carpet AFTER going over the same area several times with our practically new Dyson…and yes, I let my children play on that floor.

After the dog and pony show, we had to labor through the looooooong process of assuring them we didn’t want to buy the vacuum. We did get them to drop the price from $2,500 to $1,200, which, if you’re wondering, is only $59 a month! For three years though. And that’s a lot of months.

At long last, they finally used the carpet foam cleaner system to clean our dining room carpet and it does look a TON better. In fact, if I were used to getting my carpets professionally steam cleaned twice a year, I would consider buying the Kirby because it would pay for itself after a few years of being able to clean my own carpets. They also claim that the reason stains rise back up after Stanley Steemer or whoever cleans your carpets is because those people just push the dirt down with water and chemicals, whereas the Kirby sucks the dirt out and then uses nontoxic foam to clean (the salesman even ate some of the foam to prove it’s non-toxicity. He offered us some, but we politely declined even though we were FAMISHED from missing our dinner!). After getting the vacuum cleaned and dried and finally accepting our refusal to buy the vacuum, the salesman left at about 10:30pm.

At that point we were so tired and hungry that we just crashed on the couch and ate our date night fare without the champagne flutes while watching The Office on hulu. Josh, bless his heart, did not even say “I told you so” once. I guess it’s good that we can have fun and enjoy each other’s company even when date night is a four hour long pitch to buy the world’s most expensive vacuum cleaner, but hopefully next week we’ll be able to do something more relaxing!

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