"No One Gets Pregnant At the Beach"

I thought I had left my pajamas at my grandmother’s prior to arriving at the beach, so when we got here I went to Walmart to see if I could find a cheap maternity t-shirt to sleep in. I found a wizened and sour old lady working in the women’s section and asked her where I might find the maternity clothes.

Narrowing her beady little eyes and peering at me disapprovingly, she announced with a sniff that there were no maternity clothes in Walmart, and had not been in the fifteen years she had been associated with the store.

“No one gets pregnant at the beach,” she told me authoritatively, looking down her nose at the little basketball belly I’ve got going.

No one gets pregnant at the beach. It’s one of those things that your brain doesn’t expect to have to process, so instead of coming up with a witty rejoinder like, “Well y’all just don’t have much imagination down here do you?” you are left kind of tittering and trying to discern if the speaker is serious.

Old Walmart Lady was dead serious. I can’t contradict her assertion by personal experience, but I’m sure scientific experiments could be conducted if you were so inclined.

Speaking of being pregnant at the beach, can I just say that being pregnant in the summer takes bathing suit shopping hassles to a whole new level? I found that the one piece suits were made for women with extremely short torsos and were unbelievably unflattering on me. I moved on to the tankinis and found that those were all way too short in the tops and too wide in the sides. I guess they are made for short torso’ed women who carry their babies wide, not long torso’ed women who carry babies out front like I do. The last thing I want to look like in a bathing suit is a magenta stingray, you know? Finally at Mimi Maternity I found a black pseudo tankini that has a longer top, is cut more sleekly, and has a thin layer of material connecting the bottom to the top, which helps avoid waistband issues without being too constricting on the tummy. It’s not bad, but I feel like it’s a little bit granny looking. I’ll have my mom take a profile picture of me on the beach later this week so you can see for yourselves (and see how much Sarah has grown in the past few weeks!)

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