Hazardous

Yesterday I had to go to the eye doctor to get a new contact lens prescription. While I was there, the doctor dilated my eyes. Why did he do that? It has been a long long time since I had my eyes dilated. So long, in fact, that I don’t remember when the last time was, and I’m pretty sure I didn’t drive myself home afterwards.

As he put the drops in, the doctor said, “Now, since you have light colored eyes, it might take up to an hour and a half to wear off.”

The doctor was what the experts like to call “A Lying Liar Who Lies.”

Folks, I finally went to bed NINE HOURS after having my eyes dilated and they were STILL DILATED.

That would be no big deal if it was not such a painful condition to endure. You know how it feels when you get up in the middle of the night and suddenly turn on a bright light? That is how I felt all day. And it also made me extremely farsighted, which is to say, I couldn’t see a thing within a foot of my face, and the rest of everything was blurry too.

I had to drive myself home after this procedure, and that made me what the experts like to call “A Hazard.” I was gripping the wheel of my mother-in-law’s car, squinting fiercely, and exceedingly glad I know the way home from Community North really well. I couldn’t see the dashboard to know how fast I was going, and I couldn’t see the street signs, and I was having trouble focusing on much of anything.

En route to my house, I had the brilliant idea of stopping at Walgreens to get my 99 cent cheese. That was when I realized the true extent of my blindness. I walked in and realized I couldn’t see any of the products. Moreover, I couldn’t tell which of the two coupons I had with me was the one for the cheese. And I couldn’t read the coupon to tell what the item limit was. I guessed four and was correct. I think the cashier thought I was on drugs or something, because of my crazy eyes and the fact that I couldn’t see what I was doing. Oh well.

Once I got home, I didn’t know what to do with myself. The kids hadn’t napped while my mother-in-law was there, so they went down for late naps and I couldn’t read, couldn’t see the computer, couldn’t really do much of anything else, and wasn’t tired. I tried to answer some emails, but I was leaning about four feet back to even remotely see what I was doing, and couldn’t tell if I was making typing mistakes. Also the brightness of the screen hurt my eyes, so I quit that activity posthaste. Sorry if you got a weird email from me yesterday, now you know why!

Eventually I just went to bed early, which was probably for the best. This morning my eyes seem back to normal, but feel strained. The new contact prescription I got is actually weaker than my old one, so I think maybe my eyes are having to fight to see as well as they are used to. I’m not sure if that is a good thing or not. At this point I don’t have a whole lot of confidence in that eye doctor anyway!

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