Oh, what casualties have befallen our once charmingly decorated domicile! Oh, what hot angry tears have been shed over the injustice of this calamity! Friends, this afternoon, disaster struck our Christmas tree.

As Josh and I sat enjoying our lunch, discussing why the Colts do not use a fullback in their defense (no kidding, we were actually talking about that, can you stand it???), we heard a crash.

Actually, it was more of a


I looked up to see that our lovely Christmas tree had plunged to the floor.

At first we sat in stunned silence. Then Josh leapt to his feet like a gazelle that really needed to get to his feet in a hurry. “The tree stand is full of water!” he exclaimed.

“NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” came my anguished response, as I too hurtled into the living room. My beautifully wrapped presents so carefully arranged under the tree were being flooded. I scrambled to rescue the gifts while Josh tried to pull the tree back up. At first it seemed we could just stand the tree back up, but then we realized the trunk, which had always had a scoliosis problem, had slipped even further in the stand so the whole thing needed to be redone.

Josh thought to put the tree in the entryway where it’s tiled so we could clean up. The floor around the tree was soaked, including part of the rug. This would be no big deal except that one of the cool things about getting a rug from Afghanistan (actually I got it in the UAE, but it was made in Afghanistan) is that it is colored with vegetable dye. It’s cool as long as it does not get wet. Once wet, the dye starts to leach out onto your regular carpet beneath, so that’s pretty awful. I managed to get the rug up before it spread too badly, but the carpet is still soaking.

Then we started picking up ornaments. A lot of them are broken. I found a few of the pieces, so perhaps the trio you see pictured above will regain the use of their apendages after some careful surgery by Dr. Me. I did resort to tears when I realized the extent of the damage, including the presents that got soaked (one was a book, so I hope it didn’t get totally ruined). It’s not that the broken things were worth much monetarily, but they have sentimental value to me.

We discussed getting a fake tree.

Josh thinks we can salvage this tree, but we are going to wait and try it after the carpet is dry, because it’s all fun and games until the carpet gets mildewed and we are driven from our home by black mold! Whenever the carpet dries, we’ll try to put the tree back up. This will involve resetting it in the stand, restringing all the lights, and completely redecorating it. Can you tell I’m not pleased?

I suppose this is the point in the post where I should start drawing insightful conclusions about how the tree incident illuminates the problems of world peace, or shows me how to be more unselfish, or how to feed the starving orangutans of West Kookamunga. OK, nothing is coming to me. Meanwhile, I will peacefully and unselfishly get down to the business of cleaning up our lunch dishes. And if there is any food left over I will consider donating it to the monkeys.

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