Muppets vs. Sesame Street Gang

I caught the last few minutes of My Name is Earl last night before the Office came on. Earl’s brother asked Earl who would win in a fight between the Muppets and the cast of Sesame Street.

The Muppets, no doubt. Here’s why:

Muppet Advantages
1) Miss Piggy
You can’t step to a pig who knows karate. Never underestimate a gal with sturdy legs.

2) Sam the Eagle
He may think the Muppets are all weirdos, but he would have even less stomach for the annoying Elmo types from Sesame Street. My guess is his first move would be to savagely poke Big Bird’s and Snuffy’s eyes out with his beak.

3) Dr. Teeth
Dr. Teeth may seem like a cool hipster, but you can tell he has a mean streak.

4) Animal
Animal would take on the women of the Street, shouting, “Woman! Woman!” and chasing them up trees.

5) Janice
Janice is a ditz, but she’s wiry and fast and probably knows kung-fu.

6)Rizzo and the other rats
Rizzo and his pals can skate on pats of butter in hot frying pans. If that’s not hardcore warrior activity, I don’t know what is.

7) The Fish Guy
Have you seen the fish the Fish Guy hurls around? Seriously, they look dangerous.

8) Beaker
Meek and mild Beaker could probably whip up a weapon of mass destruction in no time flat.

9) Gonzo and the chickens
Gonzo is fearless and his chickens are fiercely loyal. Expect great things from this team in battle.

10) The other Muppets from the Happiness Hotel
No matter how these folks are fixin’ to pay, anyone who can live in the Happiness Hotel is definitely going to be a scrapper.

Muppet Liabilities
1) Kermit
Kermit would have to be disqualified due to conflict of interest since he belongs to both groups.

2) Bunsen Honeydew
He freely admits that his suggestions aren’t good suggestions.

3) Scooter
Scooter is a pansy.

Sesame Street Gang Advantages
1) Oscar the Grouch
In or out of the trash can, Oscar could channel his bad attitude into ferocity in a fight. However, in a one on one matchup against Sam the Eagle, I back Sam.

2) The Count
The Count might be a mastermind of the attack. If in a position of leadership, the Count might prove to be a formidable opponent.

3) Grover
He’s small, but fast from years of running back and forth shouting, “Near! Far!”

Sesame Street Gang Liabilities
1) Big Bird and Snuffy
They are big, but slow and fearful.

2) Elmo
Elmo is useless, and would be a distraction to his friends in a fight.

3) The Yep-yep-yep guys
You can’t win a fight with a bunch of yes-men.

4) Ernie and Bert
Bert is too fastidious to fight, and Ernie is too easily distracted.

In light of the above information, I think it is reasonable to conclude that the Muppets would wipe the floor with the Sesame Street Gang. It would be a pathetic rout. If you disagree with my conclusions, please leave a detailed analysis of where you think I went wrong.

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