Bad Form

Open Letter To The Woman With Fifteen Gallons Of Milk:

First of all, let me assure you that Meijer’s weekly special of $1.67 for a gallon of milk was the lowest price for milk in our area this week. I keep stats on prices, and that’s why I stopped by Meijer this afternoon to stock up. Evidently you are also a bargain hunter, and I applaud your evident frugality.

I must take issue, however, with the manner in which you set about purchasing your milk. You did notice the restriction posted above the dairy section that expressly limited shoppers to THREE GALLONS OF MILK ONLY AT THE SALE PRICE. I know you did, because I can fathom no other reason why you would do FIVE SEPARATE TRANSACTIONS at the self-checkout, each with three gallons of milk. Furthermore, allow me to remind you that the self-checkout at Meijer is limited to TWELVE items or less. I am not a stickler for that limit, but in addition to your FIFTEEN gallons of milk, I counted no fewer than EIGHT packages of margarine, FOUR hairclips, and a sizeable assortment of toiletries. This, Madam, was a flagrant abuse of the self-checkout line. Even if you had been tempted to stretch ethical limits by doing five separate purchases to circumvent the milk limit, and even if you were induced to flaunt the twelve items or less rule so egregiously, surely the presence of ELEVEN other patrons waiting behind you to check out should have prompted you to wait in line for a regular checkout with the other big volume shoppers.

Finally, I can assure you that your pathetic giggling while you looked at us all waiting behind you did little to endear you to us. I think you thought we were finding you clever for going through the entire checkout and payment process so many times, but really we were just annoyed. You’re fortunate that I was next, because judging by the muttering of the man behind me, you were mere inches from being skewered by his brand new Swiffer, and all that stood between you and certain death was my cart.

You’re welcome.

Please think twice before venturing into the 96th Street Meijer again. Bargain hunters must live by a code; it’s what separates us from the animals.

Catherine “Doing Errands For Four Hours With No Lunch Makes Me Easily Disgruntled” G.

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