If you think about it, Tootsie Rolls are really just blobs of waxy brown plastic imbued with a flavor that is vaguely reminiscent of chocolate, with “vaguely” being the operative word there. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t bother with them, preferring as I do the hard stuff such as high quality semi-sweet chocolate covered anything. However, as I am currently in my fourth month of fat free eating due to a disgruntled gallbladder, I find myself devoting a considerable portion of my day (most likely a FAR larger portion than you the taxpayer would like considering that you pay my salary at the moment) to tracking down and consuming Tootsie Rolls from various and sundry candy dishes, jars, and stashes around the office.
There are side effects to gratuitous consumption of Tootsie Rolls, as any fellow addict can attest. First, there is the inevitable guilt resulting from the realization that the Tootsie Roll is not really satisfying your chocolate craving, nor is it providing the nutritional punch that the baggie of broccoli hiding in your lunch bag would. Second, eating Tootsie Rolls ensures that you will find yourself singing “To the left, to the left, to the right, to the right…” and so on for the rest of the afternoon. Finally, the Tootsie Roll addict quickly develops a reputation around the office for routine pilfering of only one kind of candy, leaving “dregs” like Dum-Dum lollipops and last year’s Easter candy that is crumbly and misshapen and has half the bunny-print foil torn off.
Still, all of these risks are far outweighed by the temporary sugar rush that propels me through another afternoon in my last seven weeks and one day of work (but who’s counting).